I have been learning to deal with all the changes that have been occuring in our world. I adapt, adjust, whatever. Through it all I am still me at the very core. Times today are not easy. I keep my life simple. I have been losing the desire to people please. That has been a tough one. I have always wanted people to "like" me. The great thing about being over 40 is I am finally starting not to care. It is one of the most liberating feelings. I waited tables for so many years- my earnings depended on me being super nice and pleasing customers. I do miss it at times, but it carried over to me personal life. I wanted to "wait" on everyone. Now I know that my true friends love me just the way I am . I can count true friends on my left hand and have fingers left over. That is ok. So many people assume that because Joe is in my life they now ask to borrow money. That is so ridicuous.What really kills me is that people who already owe me money will call and have the balls to ask to borrow more. I sent a good friend of mine an email stating to not worry about what I am owed, just told them I would write it off. Hopefully that will prevent them from asking again. I am not 22 anymore, no matter how wistful I get for those years when I thought I was invinsible. I miss the idealism and positive attitude of my twenties. I don't miss the suffering from learning painful lessons the hard way.
These couple days I am at Joe's home. I am trying to get him organized - as much as he will let me. We are actually discussing moving in together. We live two hours apart and if he had an emergency or crisis it would take to long to get there. My son is coming late tonight and tomorrow morning we are starting Project Clean Joe's House. I think if he would let me fix up the house to where it will look like a real home inside his moods would improve. Plus Jesse and he are really starting to get along. He can't see at all once the sun goes down so driving has become a problem for him. Jesse is getting frustrated with his living situation. He is in a position where he is starting to experience alot of stress. So we shall see what is in store for us. The library is closing and Joe and I are getting ready to go eat dinner. Til next time, Peace!
Clarity In Muddy Waters
I am just a tiny speck in our beautiful mass
Never let a dime owed slide through your fingers, it isn't greed to not expect it back it is a warning that you will hound them until every last cent is paid back...that is what will keep the hands out of your pocket Susan.
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I have been telling everyone that asks that I am broke and can they loan me money. I am trying to build a little nest egg for emergencies. The only way that will happen is if I learn the word No. The word is starting to roll easier off my tongue these days thank God. Be well.
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