Tis the season over?

Yes,  I am a scrooge this year.  I am still nursing a broken heart and wasn't feeling festive at all.  I always jump in heart first and yes, the usual pattern of getting fucked over ensues.  So I wasn't exactly in the mood to sing Christmas carols.

A new year is coming around the bend.  What are you wishing for?  World peace, financial stability?  My wish is simple.  Peace of mind and as a sidebar to understand this damn Obama care plan.  I tried to discuss it with my doctor and he is honest enough to admit that he is quite confused.  I need to find a decent affordable (hahhhaha) dentist.  Wish me luck.  I am at the point where I don't even want to open my mail.  It's in neat piles on my desk.  Staring at me.  I pretend I don't feel the glare of bills I can't afford to pay.

Speaking of lack of money, I just watched a documentary about the city of Detroit.  I cried.  That city was once upon a time a thriving hub of America. People used to travel from deep in the south to get to Detroit because they knew the could find employment.  WTF happened????  I wish I could recall the name of the film.. I do know it is an HBO documentary.  Fuck talking with politicians, they are speaking to the long time residents who have lived there through the good times and now, poverty stricken times.  The most beautiful thing that touched me is that there are so many die hard residents who simply won't throw in the towel.  They refuse to move. This is the city that they love and have no desire to bail out and run.  I admire that quality.  The loyalty to a hometown, a community. It is an example of the tenacity of certain human beings.  The younger generation should take notes.  Rock on Detroit!!!

Lining my ducks up and getting my house in order.  This is the year that things are going to get done. No more procrastinating.  I am not getting any younger. I just turned 47. I still have time to accomplish many things. So Happy New Year and don't make a resolution that is not attainable.  Keep it simple.  Peace!

Being domestic

Yes, that is me today.  Hanging clothes, pictures, watering plants etc.  There is a certain joy when you see the finished results of your hard work.  My favorite thing about this apartment-It is over a beauty salon.  I can go tanning everyday and I am finally treating myself to getting my hair professionally done tomorrow.  I am careful about the tanning, skin cancer scares me, however when your bones aches a tanning bed feels like a wonderful heating pad for your whole body.

I have been watching the news, than get depressed and switch the channel.  I am very confused about this Obama care.  Seems noone else really understands it either.  I think healthcare is a very important topic and concern for all of us.  I just wish someone could explain it so the masses can grasp what the fuck is going on.  People are innately afraid of change to begin with and when they can't even understand the change it makes it more frightening.  My friend Joe is 76 and very intelligent and Obama scares him to death.  I feel badly for him as I watch him making this way through this strange, digital world we now live in.  He claims the best period of time to grow up in was the 50's.  I don't know.  I wasn't born yet. I wonder what it is like to have been born in 1937 and have seen so many changes throughout the decades.  I believe some adjust to the best of their ability and others can't cope and wind up in a nursing home.  I pray I never lose my ability to cope and adjust.

Time to get back to my domestic chores. Feel free to help...Peace!

Being the other woman is a pain in the ass....

Most important, don't fall asleep with a bowl on mini-wheats near your lap-top.  Had to bury my HP and now bought a Toshiba.  Thank God it happened on Black Friday. I feel like I have been away from my blog for so long that it is almost like creating a new one.  Another life lesson...if you don't listen to your inner voice that tells you not to date a married man, get ready for uber drama in your life.  The first 3 months will be filled with fantastic sex etc.  Than you take a good look at this man (doesn't help if he is 10 years younger) and you can start empathizing with his wife.My friend has been with the same woman since middle school.  That means at 36 he has been with her for 18 years.  ( Not counting indiscretions on both sides) I am a realist.  Marriage is hard.  It's not all about white dresses and sex and bliss.  It's fucking hard!!!  He told me I am the first woman out of of 3 that he has been with that has never asked him to leave his wife.  His feelings got hurt when I explained to him that 2 nights a week is plenty for me.  I don't want to wash his clothes, hear him bitching about money and bills.  They also have 3 children.  He just lost his job.  She is the breadwinner.  Oh hell no...I enjoy his friendship and hope that we can always maintain that.  I was with the same man for 20 years.  I know marriage.  I know enough that there are 3 sides to every story. His, hers, and the truth. We had words a week or so ago and when I described him as my friend, he said she is my wife, you are my woman. My mistress.  Really?  We are at very different arcs in our lives.  He feels that a man can love 2 women at the same time.  It's like a sense of entitlement.  This is a prime example of why you shouldn't marry young.  Sow those oats, learn who you are as a person.  Love yourself.  Than you might be ready for marraige.  I am finally getting my focus back and when I stopped writing I realized I was way to caught up in this relationship. Forgive my lapse.  I miss my social network of people.  Life is getting back to normal.  Especially now that he doesn't have a car at his disposal all the time.  I am one of those people who has to have a certain amount of "me" time daily.  I like solitude.  I love peace and quiet.  I am getting my groove back and it feels fanfuckingtastic.  Now let me read what is going on in everyone else's world.  Peace!

Beautiful Berwyn

I know, I know.  Been very bad about updating my blog.  The real world does take over at times.  Joe and I are at our favorite bagel shop enjoying breakfast.  He turned 76 yesterday.  I got him a new watch and and a nice set of cuff-links.  (plus a lovely birthday cake).  I have slowed the wheels on my love affair, as with anything else, something that feels that good can be abused just like drugs or food.  This is my new chapter in life..  I am focusing on me, myself and I.  I am loving living alone for the first time in my adult life.  I LOVE IT!  It is the strangest feeling after always being a wife and mother since I was 18 to finally open the door to my home and it's just me...I don't have to buy food based on what other's want to eat.  I finally have control of the remote.  Little things...walking around in my t-shirt and panties.  All the things you take for granted.  I know I'm finally done with room-mates etc.  I thrive being alone.  Yes, it was scary at first, but now I wouldn't want it any other way.  So yes, I am still alive and doing well.  This is brief but I am hopefully going to be more diligent about posting and reading all of your blogs.  Enjoy your weekend!

Favorite Post Secret This Week

Some people stay married because it is an admission of failure or they are afraid of change, the unknown or the kids.  When the pain heals you are so much happier.  The fighting, lies etc. are over.  You find your peace.  That is priceless.

Does the grinding ever stop?

Every day I wake up and it's the same old song and dance, just a new day of the week.  Does it ever stop?  I know, upon death. I am hoping for a better answer than just turning to dust.  I am learning to just really appreciate whatever free time I have and make the most of it.  I have also learned that falling in love is fun, endorphin releasing but sometimes you have to put the brakes on all those good feelings.  My priorities have gotten all out of order.  I need to not fall into my old patterns of putting the new man in my life before EVERYTHING.  I stopped blogging which is one of my personal ways of expressing my true thoughts and feelings.  This is my therapy.  I need to do this.  I am now in the process of putting my life back in order.  Good relationships are like a good sauce.  It takes time and must simmer slowly to reach perfection.  I can't operate on emotions when it comes to making important life decisions.  If this man in my life wants to be with me it will happen in due time.  He has ALOT of baggage.  So do I, but mine is more emotional.  His is financial, family, legal and emotional.  I would love to be with this man in a more permanent capacity.  I, however, don't think I should be the one laying all my cards out on the table.  He is not good, as alot of males, when it comes to talking about feelings.  So I am keeping my heart in check and now I shall wait and see.  It's his move now.  He knows I am in love with him.  I think I shouldn't have to beg anyone for their time.  Enjoy the labor day weekend.  Peace!

Life as I know it....

Yes, I have taken much time away from the internet. This thing called the real world is interfering,lol.  I met a man.  He is 37.  I am in love.  The can't sleep, eat without you kind of love. I wasn't looking at all for a man. We met at a friends house and it just happened.  He made me break all of my rules.  He is in a bad marriage.  I have Joe.  I have been seeing D for 3 months now. He is at my house almost every night of the week.  This is the first man I have met in years that I actually want to please and make happy.  Me!!! Who would have thought?  I met him and within a week got my own apartment and am job hunting.  I tell him it's like a switch that had been off in my brain for so many years suddenly clicked on.  I lost 20 lbs just because sex is great exercise.  I want to wake up everyday.  This wasn't supposed to happen to me.  I am so glad it did though.  So now you know why I haven't been writing. Too many emotions going on that I couldn't put into words.  I guess I am embarking on a new phase in my life.  I have no idea where it is going to lead me, but it sure is fun trying to figure it out.